Love in the dark

How do you capture love at it's finest? At it's breathtaking moments? Such an answer is what is currently stopping me from writing. You can call it an artist's block, I guess, but it really makes you wonder. How can some people go to strained lengths to prove their love? I'm a coward, the way I love is also very selfish, but I wonder how far I can be pushed sometimes. 

Just how far is my love able to stretch before it breaks? I'm afraid to find the answer, because I think I'll loose myself again, become hollow again and unintentionally hurt my dear ones. My dark side right now is thinly covered by this love, but even so it's fully contained behind this "sheet". It may peak out sometimes but my hubby pushed it back in with hushed kisses and soft whispers of love. I still stand by my worst fears: going insane.

Where this fear came from, I'm not sure, but it must have something to do with my past lives, I presume. I'm pretty sure, we are all a little bit mad, still we all have that little something which holds back the dark side. The love my dark side shares is far more profound than my own and I keep wanting to see how deep it goes, but I'm afraid I won't find my way back "home" and get stuck in the illusion of normality of another dimension. 

I love so much I want to make it eternal, sometimes... like Romeo and Juliette.

Time vs. friends

Sometime it's hard to deal with the fact that times passes way too fast for your liking and the most horrible part is that you don't get to do what you want and more so, that time puts a distance between you and the rest of the world.

Lately I've been wondering why my friendships ended the way they did and I wonder if there was something I could have done differently, to prevent them to go down the path they did. I lost a lot of people as well as met new ones and I understood this is a natural circle of life. I hate it. Why? 'Cuz no matter how much effort I put when it's not equaled on the other side, the relationships fall apart. I keep trying but they keep pushing me away and now, now I'm waiting. I'm waiting to see if they would make a step or even notice my absence. 

It's not that I'm tired, it's just a request on my hubby's part, to wait and see how many of my friends will call me or try to contact me somehow, if I don't do it first and so far I was quite disappointed to find that none did. Just how many friends do I have?

Still waiting to find out and by the looks of it, it'll be a long wait.