What to pick?

My god is it difficult being me some days, or maybe it's just the fact that I'm a woman, I don't know. I just can't seem to make up my mind. What do I want to do with my life? It's still a mystery to me. I want to be an artist, but I want to be a mother, I want to do something constructive and be successful and I also want to waste my life doing nothing. 

I know I want something more from life, something more than I already have but I also feel the need to fulfill everybody else's wishes. Reminds me of a song, Trouble by Coldplay "...a spider web and I'm caught in the middle...".

I wish I knew what would make me the happiest and then I'd just go with that, but there are too many things that I want. I remember wanting to be a different person each day, a grandma today, a ten year old boy tomorrow. 

Human minds are very fascinating things, don't you think?

God is love?!

So let's talk about God. Let's fight and then decide the one that was right about the God concept, let's start wars and discrimination based on our own believes and if I think otherwise I'll make my own religion because I can do that too and proceed to make people believe my words over yours. My god talks to me and he definitely thinks my religion will spare you of hell in the other life if only you're willing to spare some money.

Yeah, ok, so maybe I won't talk to you about God. I believe in hope and love and I have my own god too. He's young, about 10 years old, he was blond curly hair and he plays mean jokes on me sometimes because he's trying to tell me something, but I'm not listening so he's angry. My god doesn't talk about himself, he just points out the fact that I need to tell myself every day that I love me, that I'm alive and I should appreciate it and that I should share my love with others, because I have enough to give the whole world. This makes me smile, especially when I see him smile at me, when I listen. I suspect this tiny god, is actually my own heart that guides my moves everyday.

Your heart is beautiful too, make sure you listen to it.